Where is Daddy?

This is a question I get everyday from our 3 year old. Where are you? Why cant we see you? Ive always told him, "Daddy went to heaven to be with Jesus." Amazingly hes never asked to call you. Which still to this day shocks me. About 2 months after you passed, its only been 2 1/2 months, Bryce began asking me how you went to Heaven. I started telling him a little of the truth. I said that "Daddy was on his motorcycle and crashed and got big owies. Big enough that the doctors couldnt fix them and then Jesus came down with the angels and took Daddy up to Heaven." He was over this story quick because then he started asking, "Where is my Daddy? My Dad Steven?" He knew this story was too much for his little brain to work on and handle, so he wanted something simple like, "Dads at work." How I wish more then anything in the world that I could just give Bryce that answer. How I wish more then anything in the deepest parts of my soul that this were true. I wish wish wish Daddy were just at work!!! Again, I told him you were in Heaven and then I added that Daddy couldnt come home but he loves you very much. After about 5-10 minutes (which seems like forever) of asking, he moves on to something else and is over the topic. For a while he liked looking at your picture. I know it brought him comfort. Now he doesnt want to. I think the thought of you not coming home is settling in. As settling as it can be. He has begun to get mad. Hitting walls and throwing things. I try to stay calm because I know this all stems back to you not being here. I know hes angry about that and its starting to show. I just want to give him the world. I want to give him everything his little heart desires. I think he's already feeling enough pain, why not give him all of the happiness in the world? Its such a catch 22. Grrr! All I can do is provide him with the most stability I can. He asks for the Bronco, trailer and yellow quad often. He wants to go get them and bring them home. I got a new car last week and he asks for the old one. When I cut the lawn the other day, he cried at the back sliding door for you, knowing what I was doing was Daddy s job. Broke my heart. What hurt me the most was in the car driving home from Carlsbad yesterday. He said he didn't want to go home with Mommy and Jake, he wanted ti go to Heaven because he had big owies and see Dad. he said this over and over after I continued to tell him that it wasn't an option. He was here to stay for a very long time. I cling to these boys now more then ever. Thank you Steven for leaving me a piece of you. I pray they grow to be strong, healthy, amazing and happy individuals. That they strive for and reach every goal and they grow up as handsome and smart as you were in your 27 years here on earth.