If wishes were changes there'd be no goodbyes

How do I take away my sons pain? We had a good cry today. Is their such thing as a good cry? That seems like an oxymoron. Good cry. Really? Ugh. He just missed Daddy. He was throwing tantrums, talking back, hitting, and thats when he came and just sat in my lap and cried. I cried too. I told him it was okay to cry. It was okay to miss Daddy. I said I was sorry that Daddy was not coming home. I was sorry that Daddy was gone. I am so sorry. No 3 year old should understand Heaven. Thats when Jake joined us, he is 1, and sat in my lap as well. He then pointed to Bryces nose and then pointed to my nose and Bryce and I just giggled. I am sometimes grateful that Jake is so young and wont remember this or experience the pain we feel. But then again, because of that, he never got to know his Daddy. And that kills me. THere is nothing good to come out of this. I sometimes wonder if 20 years down the road I will look back and see all of the amazing things we have done. But I cant imagine what is in store. All I know is it MUST go up from here. It cant go down, it cant get worse. We deserve more. Our entire family, extended family, friends, deserve more. God had better have something amazing in store for us all, because I have some words for him when I get my chance to join Steven. Until then, I will keep on keeping on. Yes its hard, yes it hurts and yes it sucks more then anything. But what else am I supposed to do? Steven would be pissed if I laid in a ball and cried every day. For some reason, I am still breathing. As long as I am breathing, I am breathing for my boys and for Steven.