Playful Mama

I find myself leaving the house work to be and getting down right fun and crazy with my boys. Before, I would have left that to Steven to do. Are you kidding me? I had laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning to do! I was a wife and that required a ton. Dont get me wrong, I loved being a wife. I loved it. I loved cleaning and keeping the house together (most of the time) and having someone to appreciate it. Steven was so great at showing he appreciated it (most of the time). He would walk in, usually after I mopped the floor because that tends to make the house feel super clean, and I can just hear him walk through with his heavy black work boots, all over my clean floor and say, "Babe, the house looks great." I would say thanks, rant off the list of things I did because I was impressed with myself that I got much done, and he would head back out to the garage. Although at the time I thought he didn't apprecite it enough, I know he did.
Now, mopping the floor just isnt a priority. Getting laundry done, folded and put away doesnt seem to matter much either. I just dont seem to have a "cleaning/around the house to-do list" like I used to. So what do I do when Im home with the boys all day? I have only had a few of these days because I try to avoid being here too much, but this is what we do...lay on the floor in their room, play airplane on my feet, wrestle, build with blocks, made car tracks and play, watch movies all day and eat popcorn, play outside, laugh, cuddle, laugh some more. I still get the basics done. Laundry is not piling up, but it is folded all over my room. My kids get fed, granted its nothing fancy. Today consisted of mac n cheese and hot dogs for lunch and grilled cheese and green beans for dinner. Simple. I always cooked a fancy dinner, and I enjoyed doing it, because Steven enjoyed eating it. Without someone to enjoy new dinners with or cook their favorites for, I just dont. I avoid cooking dinner. Although today I found myself thinking about, hence the "thinking about", taking chicken out of the freezer for dinner this week. Not because I had a moment of thinking that Steven would be home to eat, but because I think my kids may be a little sick of processed food. Im working on it. Slowly. I know it will get better. I mean it has to. God has to show me some grace soon. I can only pray.
So for now, I will continue to enjoy my amazing 2 little men. I will be silly and fun. They have felt enough pain, that I cant let them feel anymore. Truly, being this new mom has made me happier too. I get sad. Sad that he is missing out on them and these fun family times. But I also hope he is watching over us and laughing along with us too. Hope. I must keep my HOPE.