Him

I want him. I want Steven back. I cant help but think that anyone around the house would make it better. Now, I just know that only he can make it better. No one will compare to him. He was a one of a kind. He was amzing. I miss him so much I could die. I want him home. I want him working in the garage. I want him kissing our kids goodnight. I want him in our bed. I hate sleeping alone. I hate it. I hate that I am attending a widows retreat!!! Why is this my life?! This is ridiculous. Everyone I know has a cute little family at home. Husbands that come home at night. Why in the hell is this the life we were dealt?! I cant help but think about what we would be doing right now if he were here. What plans we would be making. I hate this! I dont want to be at home. But I dont want to be anywhere else. I want to move out and get our boys a new home, but I dont want to leave our home. I have so much crap and decisions to make, yet I dont want to make any without him. I just want life to speed up and get better, if that is ever possible.