What you may not know is that I suffer each and every day. What you may not know is that I cry, have anger and am pissed at the world sometimes. What you may not know is that I am moving forward but feeling like Im stuck sometimes. What you may not know is Steven is on my mind all the time, with everything I do.
You dont know this because it is not your burden to bare. I am my own worst critic. I am hardest on myself. I dont need you to be hard on me too. Just because I dont post on his Facebook page, just because I dont mention him in my facebook posts, just because I dont call you crying, doesnt mean I do not grieve. I grieve. I grieve hard.
I have been blessed to have a new man in my life. This new man does not replace the man Steven was for us. They are two different people. They are two different men in our lives. They always will be. I have found someone willing to walk this journey with me. Willing to raise the boys with me and to never give up on me. He loves me for me and he loves these boys. He loves this family that Steven and I started and he has joined it. He has stepped in without any hesitation, intimidation or fear. He is amazing. I am lucky and blessed.
So, what you think, say or believe about me and my life, put yourself in my shoes. Dont think I am moving on and forgetting. I have two little boys that remind me of him each day. Everywhere I look and everything I do reminds me of him. Doesn't it remind you of him? He was in my life 24/7. Not yours. Imagine how I live and quit talking shit. Maybe if you called and knew me better, you would understand. Until then, you have no room to judge.
Enough said.
