Over it

I dont want to do this anymore! I didnt sign up to be a single mom. I dont want to be the mom and dad, the good and mean person, the fun and angry one. I feel like Im freakin bi-polar! This sucks. I know this is not what Steven would want for me either. I dont know what to do. Like a fellow widower said, "I am not single, I am alone." Most true statement Ive heard in the past 2 1/2 months. Why is that all its been? It feels like its been years. Why is this going so slow? When will this get better? Oh yea, it NEVER will get better, it will just get easier to deal with. WTH?! Really? Ugh!! Very exhausted and frustrated today.