Thinking I need to go to the batting cages

So, Jake. I love that boy. I had forgotten the month or so when Bryce screamed every single time I was out of his sight. I had forgotten how for that month or so he wanted to sit on my hip 24/7. I had obviously forgotten how frustrating it was not being able to get anything done because I had an extra 25lbs attached to my body screaming. Well, it all came pouring back to my mind today. While trying to clean the house, fold laundry, attempting to be productive, Jake was at my feet screaming and crying the entire time. I had just cleaned the entire kitchen, deep cleaned, when I looked up and Bryce was smearing his juice from his sippy all over the kitchen table and not eating his lunch, which he has begged for. As Im yelling at Bryce, Jake pulls down all of the folded clothes on the floor. Needless to say, I was at my breaking point. I grabbed the clothes and headed to my room with them, knowing quite well that I was not going to get a chance to put them away. As Im setting them on the bed, Jake is screaming because his fingers were stuck in the door. (Here comes my mortifying, completely embarrassed and ashamed, mommy moment). I picked him up, moved him away from the door and proceeded to take the door and slam it against the wall, yelling at the door and Jake, "Why do I have to do this alone??!?!?!?" More like screaming I'm sure. I then headed to the garage, not wanting Jake to watch me flip out any longer, and proceeded to pick up a cardboard tube and beat the living hell out of anything I could find, screaming the entire time at Steven. Not understanding why he was gone, why he left me, why he had to have a fucking motorcycle, why he left us!? I was pist. And it felt amazing. It was the best release of anger and energy I had ever had. I was mad. And it was the first time in a while, since the beginning of this, that I had screamed. I hit and hit and hit anything.
After, I was winded. I was tired. I felt like a weight had been lifted. If only for a few minutes, it was gone for that moment. I then heard Jake inside, screaming, only because I had walked out of the room. After I caught my breath, I went back inside to see Bryce eating his lunch and playing at the table right where I had left him and Jake running into my arms. He didn't hate me after my freak out. He still loved me and needed me. I was feeling better. We cuddled and cried. I said I was sorry. He just hugged me endlessly.
I then packed up the boys to leave and head to my parents for a bbq. As we are loading up the car, I feel some eyes on me. I look across the street to see my neighbors staring and awkwardly waving. They must have heard the whole garage flip out.
Heres to the crazy widowed neighbor!