Friday, September 30, 2011
Lonely life
This is seriously the loneliest I've ever felt. I may have my two boys around, but there is nothing like adult companionship. Steven was by far the best adult companion. He loved my dinners, appreciated a clean house, loved on me more then I wanted. :) I miss him down to the depths of my soul. There is no one now to thank me for a good home cooked meal, no ones eyes scanning the living room after I've cleaned all day and no one to bug in the morning and kiss goodnight. I'm empty, lonely and ready to go eat a cantaloupe. Lol.
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The loneliness can feel crushing, can't it? I recently went to a Detroit Tigers game...by myself. 44,000 people sitting around me and the loneliness was almost overwhelming. I still sleep with piles of clean clothes on her side of the bed, just so I can sleep through the night.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could tell you that it goes away, but it doesn't. Eight months into this journey and all it does is change. It becomes a little less oppressive, a little less obvious, but it becomes interwoven into who you are becoming.
Some day we may find another love, but I wonder if that loneliness ever truly goes away? Let me know if the cantaloupe helped. :)