Month 4

With the fourth month creeping up on me, I dont know when the counting ends. Why am I counting the months hes been gone? Am I going to hit some milestone??? People count things and then it ends and something big happens. I feel like Im not counting towards anything. Whats the point? 4 months longer that I havent seen him, held him, hugged him, talked to him, kissed him. 4 months of pain, agonizing pain. 4 months..... I hate counting.