So, last night was a night a knew would happen someday, but didnt expect it to happen so soon. Broken bone, hospital visit, IVs, medical stuff, all without the strong man there holding us up for support. How I wish down to the deepest depths of my soul he could have been there. He would have been so nurturing, loving, compassionate and funny in a moment that was so scary. Luckily I has my mom in law Sandy and my dad who were there for support, but it was not the same. Its almost like I would have rather been there alone then have them there, but at the same time I knew it was good for Bryce, and much as I could deny it, myself, to have them there.
Bryce was on the play equiptment at the park. We were at the park for Brents 7th birthday. Tons of family and friends. When Bryce went over to the play equiptment with Stevens Uncle Roy, he fell from a ladder and landed on his left elbow. He broke the lower portion of his humorous bone. We were then transfered in ambulance from one hospital to another. The hospital we went to was the one I had Jake at and had seveal visits. Loma Linda University Medical Center. They are all fantastic there. Hard to be there without Steven. I just cant believe it. I cannot believe it. I cant believe he missed this. I cant believe Bryce doesnt have his tall, brave and strong Daddy to carry him around the house, make him laugh and love on him. I am doing my best, but I cant do it all.
I just want to curl up and die. Sometimes I think someone else could care for them better then me because a lot of times I dont even want to care for myself. I miss him.
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