Frozen in time

Steven had an enormous amount of freinds. People who cared about him, people who loved him. Friends, acquaintances, people who knew his name. He talked. A lot. Anyone who would listen, he would talk. Cars, trucks, off road, motorcycles, fabrication, school, traveling, life. He talked. So many people knew him. He made friends with most people he met. He had sometime in common with everyone. He was just a good guy. His funeral service was the largest our church has ever had. He was amazing. While Im sure he passes through their minds each day, their lives continue on as they always did. They no longer get a rare run-in with him or a phone call out of the blue, but for the most part, their lives are back to their routine. It was those he was truly close with, his family, his best friends, whos lives are completely turned upside down. While you all go on with your lives, mine has come to a stand still. Mine is in complete dissarary. Other then the moments when I glance at my boys and realize they are looking bigger, I don't tend to notice time passing. I feel stuck, unable to move. Frozen in time, waiting for him to come home. What will help? This is what crosses my  mind, moving out of our home, finding a job, changing our entire routine, finding a new man, traveling, moving, moving out of Hemet. I don't know. I don't know what will do it. But I hate it. I hate this life my boys and I have been given. I hate not being able to move forward. Then I remind myself, its only been 3 months. ONLY 3 MONTHS! It feels like an eternity. It feels like it has been forever, yet it feels like he is going to walk into the house at any second. I need my life to keep moving forward, but I don't know if Im ready for even that. I want Steven.