...to start a new chapter. The thought of this makes me literally sick to my stomach. It makes parts of my body ache that I didn't know could. The saying, "curl up and die" comes to mind. Its funny how people use sayings like this one so easily. But to say it and truly know the feeling, is something completely different. Its almost as if that saying does these feelings no justice.
I knew the day would come when we would need to move. This was inevitable. I could have avoided it by possibly working with the bank, if they had been willing, and paying the outragous mortgage on this house that is in Stevens name only. But with advice from family, friends and attornies, it was best to live here as long as we could, and then walk away. So, this is exactly what we are doing. The home forecloses on Friday, we move out Saturday. Done. Unbelievebale. I never thought Id be moving out of this house without Steven. I never thought Id be packing up his things, not sure of what to do with them. Do I take his shoes, that are still sitting on the closet floor where he left them and put them in my new house? Of course not. That sounds ridiculous. But the thought of not having any of his things there is unfathomable. Yes, Ill still have a few of his jackets, tshirts to wear, etc, yet they will not be there waiting for him to come claim them. All of his things will be in totes, in the garage, sititng until I can decide what and where to put them. I have yet to "get rid" of anything. I dont want the boys to one day ask me where it all went. I want to have everything for them incase they ever want it. I also have moments when I just want to wear his tshirt or slip on his slippers.
The harsh reality is Steven has never and will not ever walk into our new home. For now, I must pack
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