Gone?

I dont count the days its been, I dont even know how many weeks its been. I havent cried in almost 2 days. Im avoiding it all. I feel like its all going to blow up in my face. He passed June 5th and I dont want to feel this. I dont want to hurt, I dont want to do this. It feels like hes in the garage, working on another car or motorcycle, it feels like hes at work, it feels like hes out. I avoid thinking about him, I avoid it all. I hate this. I cant do this, I dont want to do this. House is too quiet at night. 4th night home alone with the kids. This must be hell.